Nothing Hurts More Than Saying Goodbye

I pulled up to my dad's house and noticed that Jamie had already started pulling stuff out into the front yard. I jumped out of the car and grabbed the first box I saw and started to load it. Man, Jamie doesn't waste time, then again if I had to live with dad I'd be eager to leave too.
My mind was clear. I wasn't going to let my thoughts get ahead of me.
Dad came out and helped me load up the car, somehow the entire time he managed to not say a single word to me. Jamie was daddy's girl, whither she liked it or not. I was always daddy's disappointment, not that it ever bothered me much, I preferred being closer to mom anyways.

"Alright are we ready to go?" Jamie came out of the house dressed comfortably for the long ride ahead.
"As soon as you give me a hug goodbye.." Dad wrapped his arms around her like she was the most loved thing in the world.
She was almost too eager when they broke apart.
I got back in the fully loaded car and turned to Jamie.
"Got everything?" I asked.
"Yup" She answered quickly.
"Got your pillow?"
"Yeah."
"Your tooth brush?"
"Yes."
"Deodorant?"
"TwoBit!"
"Towels, sheets, hair dryer.."
"AND MY PHONE CHARGER, AND MY BOOKS, AND MY LAPTOP, AND MY ENTIRE WARDROBE, AND ALL 40 PAIRS OF SHOES!!!!" She was almost yelling.
"Alright, alright." Her point came across loud and clear.
I backed out of the drive way. Here we go, sixteen hours in a car.
Jamie immediately hooked up her Ipod and began to blast some pop diva what not song through my speakers.
"Really? Is it going to be like this the whole way? I sighed.
"Yup." She looked at me with a grin on her face.
"Fine, then you can walk..' I slammed on the brakes which caused Jamie to smack he head against the dash board."
"Oh my God, can we please get there alive?" she shouted.
"I'll make you a deal... You pick a song, then I pick a song, then you, then me and so on," She liked that idea. "and put your seat belt on." I said being the older brother I never was.
The first hour was pretty quiet, we went back and forth choosing songs on the radio. I started to sing along to the next one she chose, and not knowing the words, I made up my own and sang in the most high pitched girly voice I could. This scored me some laughs and a few punches in the arm.
"Oh, I almost forgot," I said pulling an envelope from the pocket of my leather jacket.
"This is from Kitty."
I heard a few giggles and suddenly regretted not reading it before I gave it to her.

About three hours in I pulled into Dairy Queen and ordered some food and drinks. Hopefully that would keep any upcoming "heart to heart" conversations prolonged a little while longer.
Jamie pulled out a brochure and glanced through it..
"Oooh, they have a pool...and a coffee shop... oh hes cute," she pointed to a picture of some boy on the page.
"Do you want me to burn down the place before classes start?" I threatened.
Jamie sighed, "It's college, I'm supposed to have fun." she argued.
"Not that kind of fun." I added.
"Isn't that what college is all about?" She flipped through the brochure a second time.
"Jamie, I swear if some stupid kid knocks you up Ima come up there and beat the kid's head in...along with a few other things." I made myself clear.
"Yeah yeah." She said. "That why we use condoms." She somehow found that statement sunny, but I was serious.
I reached over with one hand and tickled her.
"I'm serious...you hear me young lady?" I shouted over the laughing.
"Yes DAD, I hear ya." She teased.
"Oh you ain't seen Dad yet. I'm just getting started."
"Ehh, at least I know you'll make a good father someday." She added.
I shivered.
"Yeah...it's okay, I can't picture it either." She said laughing.

About half way in Jamie fell asleep, it was almost midnight, and I couldn't believe I was going to drive sixteen straight hours. I had to make frequent stops to Starbucks.
The car ride was very quiet for a while...except for Jamie snoring XD. She finally gave up around three AM and sat up straight in her seat. She flipped the mirror down and stared into it.
"ugghh, I'm going to look awful." She stated.
"It's alright. It'll be about eight AM, all the college kids are asleep. And besides, it's only summer semester so there won't be as many kids anyways." I said.
"Yeah...but what if THE perfect guy just happens to be awake and out in the hall when we pull up" And I look like this?." She pointed to her face.
"Well, if he's the perfect guy, then he won't care. He'd think you we're pretty if you just crawled out from being in a sewage drain for a week." I said.
She gave me a dumb look, "Would you think Kit was pretty after being in a sewage drain for a week?" she questioned.
"Beautiful!" I said smiling.
She just stared at me.
"I'm serious James, ya know not all guys base everything on looks. You shouldn't judge all guys with Dallas, he don't make us look very good."
She stared out the window for the next several minutes.
"Ya know, I think I'm actually going to miss Tulsa." She said.
"Well, there's a lot to miss." I said.
Jamie sighed, "but you'll be okay James, you'll make new friends and soon enough forget all about ole' Tulsa." I added.
"That's what I'm afraid of." She replied.
Great! Good going Keith, way to make things better -.-
"I have a present for you." I was going to wait and give it to her when we got there, but I decided to lighten things up. We pulled up to a red light and I reached behind my seat for the big box wrapped in purple shiny paper.
"This is from Dimitri and Jelly." I said handing it to her.
She ripped off the paper and almost screamed.
"A 25" plasma screen TV???" I thought she was going to hyperventilate.
"They thought it'd fit nicely in your room." I said.
"I am so going to have to skype them when I get there." She replied.

We pulled in to a little diner to have breakfast around seven. I never thought eggs and bacon could look so good. Jamie scarfed down about half a dozen pancakes and orange juice.
"Good luck getting a guy that way." I teased as she shoved food into her mouth.
"Tim sure didn't seem to mind." She said smiling.

After breakfast we conquered the last hour of our trip and finally rolled into the parking lot at eight AM. I had my arms filled with boxes as we headed upstairs to the fourth floor and into room 419.
"Home sweet home." Jamie said.
The dorm room was nicer than any of the dorms I've ever been in, and having the reputation with women that I do, that's been a lot of dorms. The bathroom was huge, bigger than all the bathrooms in my apartment put together.
We finally got all the boxes upstairs and the furniture arranged.
"God Jamie, do you really need all this stuff?" I was starting to wonder how it all fit in the car. Jamie sat down on the bed exhausted.
"I'm starting to wonder myself." she said.
"Well, I guess this is my que to go.." I said.
Jamie looked down at the floor.
"Good luck kiddo," I ran my hand over her head messing up her hair. When she moved I expected her to slap my hand away but instead she threw her arms around me and hugged me. I held on to her tight, not remembering the last time I hugged one of my sisters like this.
"Have fun, work hard...I'm proud of you kid." I said finally pulling away.
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills.
"Here, this is for you." I handed it to her.
"I don't need any.." I cut her off.
"Trust me, you'll need it." I smiled.
"Thanks." she said.
I kissed her on the forehead before turning to leave.
"Love you James." I said just before turning out the door.
"Love you too brother. See ya June 21st." She looked up and smiled.
"See ya!" And I turned and left.

Half the car ride home I cried. Damn sentimental goodbyes. But I know she'll be okay, she's strong, and smarter than I am which probably ain't sayin much. She's going to be successful, she's going to make something of herself. I kept telling myself these things all the way home, I don't think I woulda ever made it back otherwise.

Till Death Do Us Part?

I woke up rubbing my eyes, it was well past noon and I was surprised not to feel a hangover coming on. I walked out into the hallway just to have Kitty yelling at me to go back to sleep. o.O I slowly turned and walked back into the room. Plopping down on the bed, I turned the TV to mickey mouse, burying my chin into a pillow laying on my stomach. Metal was clinging in the kitchen and the house was filled with a pleasant smell. A little while later Kitty walked in holding a plate of brownies.
Brownies? I thought to myself. Well, she IS a Curtis.
I took one bite, "Kitty...are these my mom's brownies?"
She nodded. The last person to ever make them was my mom of course, and now that she wasn't around to do it, I had Kitty. No one makes brownies like my momma, but Kitty did come pretty damn close. I savored every bite as memories of my mom floated back into my mind. I usually would be really picky about someone else making my mothers brownies. One time Mom went on vacation with some friends to the beach. She was only gone a week, but I was high and REALLY wanted those brownies, I damn nearly cried, so Blair attempted to make them. She followed the right recipe and everything, but something about them just wasn't Mom's. It resulted me throwing them in her face. This time was different, although I do have a deep love for my little sisters, my love for Kit is above and beyond, not in a bad way, just a different way. If anyone in the world had to make my momma's brownies besides my momma, I would want it to be Kitty. I love Kitty, despite my recent choices, I do love her more than anything.
Kitty took me out to some place behind the South side. It was a meadow, funny how we never knew it was there before. Anyway, we had a good time just goofing around and lying in the sun.
"Why don't we get married? Right here. Right now. Just us."
The question didn't take me by surprise, in fact it didn't even startle me like it would most guys,
"Well Kitty, I guess we can ask that tree over there to be the reverend.." I said cracking a joke. But then I suddenly meant it in all seriousness. I stood up and pulled Kitty closely behind me untill we were standing in front of the tree I gestured to. I used a high pitch squeaky voice to portray the tree reverend,
"KitKat Sarah Curtis.. do you take me to be your husband? To have and to hold till death do us part?"
Kitty smiled, "Yes I do.... Keith Andrew Mathews, Do you take me as your wife? To have and to hold till death do us part?"
I looked at her for a long while, "And longer." I said. Then I kissed her.

What have I done?

The drinking didn't stop, it followed day after day and I fell into a never ending haze that would lead me down a road I never meant to take.
Last week...two days after the funeral, I found myself at yet another party. No familiar faces...except one. Marcia had invited me over that afternoon and being drunk off my ass I said yes without even considering my options. I didn't expect it to turn into anything, but man was I wrong. I can't even remember who leaned in first, all I know is that we ended up doing it on the living room couch. I tried to leave in a hurry without being rude, but I instantly felt the regret...and the hurt that Kit was sure to feel. I didn't tell her right away, and so then she heard it from someone else. I'm guessing Marcia spread it around town that we hooked up, a greaser and a soc... and me engaged. I went home and drifted into my usual sulking spot on the bed until I heard Kitty come in the front door. I stood up, but she was in the bedroom faster than I could even find my words to start,
"I heard about you and Marcia." she said.
I felt the world weighing down on me. I was ashamed and so, so sorry.
"I'm sorry Kitty...I reall..." she cut me off,
"Its okay, I forgive you." She said.
It was almost too easy, I didn't quite understand, but that didn't interfere with what we did next. It didn't make me feel any better considering that I had just done it with someone else only hours before, and Kitty's response didn't make me feel like I was exactly off the hook. My mind was spinning, and I couldn't grasp the concept of who I was anymore. I'm not the cheating type, it's just not me and I don't tolerate that at all, but now I'm a cheater, something I used to look down upon, and people always tell me.... cheaters never prosper.

Long Week

I visited her grave every day this week since the funeral. I had so much to say, but when I got there I couldn't bring myself to say them. The night of the funeral I went to Bucks and added another hundred dollars to my tab. On my sixth beer I glanced around at the unknown faces, until one on the dance floor caught my eye. Marcia looked up and noticed me, giving me a smile she walked up to me and dragged me onto the floor with her. We danced a while and talked a little, I was drunk so I don't really remember what about. I didn't even know she was back in town, that last time we saw each other at the drive in on a night so long ago replayed in my mind. Before I headed out I gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek.
I ended up laying on the merry-go-round in the park staring up at the sky. I heard footsteps and instinctively reached for my switch. I rolled over and pointed it in the direction the noise was coming from.
"Gosh kid, don't you know better than to sneak up on a drunk ass greaser like me?" I said to him.
"Yeah Twobit, my first thought was that one of my best friends was going to kill me." Pony rolled his eyes and dragged me off the merry-go-round and into the car.
You know you've drank too much when your girlfriend's kid brother has to drive you home. Pony got me back to the apartment and in the door. I fell on to the couch not wanting to move so I just slept there.
The next morning I got up and took a shower. Dimitri apparently spent the night cause breakfast was set out all professional and neat like. I put on my favorite Mickey Shirt and jeans with my boots, greased back my hair, and headed over to dad's house. I hadn't been to his new place before. It was decently nice, not like the house he bought when he lived with us. I knocked on the front door.
"Well isn't this a surprise." He said.
"Yeah, hey dad." I said rubbing my forehead. "Is Jamie here?"
"She's upstairs." He pushed open the door and I walked in.
The walls were all neutral colors, clean and precise. Up to date furniture filled the generously sized rooms.
I found Jamie's door by the photos that decorated the outside. I knocked and slowly opened it.
Jamie was sprawled out on her bed reading and doing homework.
I gave her a look, "Dads got you doing your homework? Damn, that's something I could never do." I said.
"Yeah well considering you don't do yours either it wasn't as much as a threat then." Jamie replied.
"Dads got you locked up in here pretty good huh?" I heard about his rules and regulations.
Jamie nodded staring into her math book.
"Good." I said. That made her look up.
"Good? Are you crazy? I can't stay out late or have any alcohol and my boyfriend can't come twenty yards within the house."
"I repeat, GOOD." I replied.
"Ya know James...." I sat down on her bed, "Dad has money, he can pay for college and other things mom and us never could. You have a shot at a better life here."
"Yeah Yeah. I was fine off with you guys too." She added.
"But you're better off here. Considering your brother's girlfriend sneaks you out and gets you drunk, I think you are definitely better off living here than with me, and there's no way in hell I'm letting you live under the same roof as Dallas so, this is all you got kid, and it's better than any of us ever had."
She seemed to ponder on what I said.
"Well, I gotta go so... guess I'll see ya around." I leaned over and kissed the top of her head then left.
Next stop was Blair's. I let myself in and immediately wished I hadn't.
"For the love of Christ man put some pants on." I yelled at Dallas who was standing in the middle of the living room in his underwear.
"Look man when you have kids that gotta eat, bathe, and cry all the time and you can't even take a second to grab some pants, then we'll talk." He replied.
"Your fault, not mine." I said.
Thank God Blair walked into the room fully clothed.
"What brings you here on such a pleasant day?" she said very sarcastically.
"Just seein whats up." I shrugged.
"Same old shit really." She said.
"Yeah?" I pulled an envelope from my back pocket. "Well, here." I handed it to her. She peeked inside. "What the hell? TwoBit I can't take this..." she shoved it back in my hand.
"Yes you can. Most of its what mom left.... use it on the kid." I said.
She sighed, "Fine. Thanks."
"..and maybe some pants for Dallas..." I added.
I hugged her then left for home.
When someone close to you dies, it makes you start to think. You gotta cherish the time you have with them, cause you never know when that time may run out.

Never Knew I Could Feel Like This

I was laying on the bed watching Mickey Mouse reruns on TV when Kitty suddenly busted through the bedroom door. She had been out with... well, I actually don't know, I think it was Dawn, anyways she was searching frantically around the room,
"Where's your phone?" She asked.
"Well hey baby hello to you too." I was up to my usual cocky self.
"Keith this is serious, where the hell is your phone?" her voice raised.
I knew something was up because first she was yelling at me, and second she called me Keith. I dont even remember the last time my parents called me Keith let alone my friends.
"Kit what's wrong?" I finally asked.
"Blair has been trying to reach you all day."she answered.
"Why? What happened?" I was so clueless.
Kitty sat down on the bed in front of me and grabbed my hand, "TwoBit.... it's your mom. She....she died."
I felt like there should have been some dramatic music playing in the background like in a movie. But this wasn't acting, it was real life with real pain and a real reaction.
There was so much going on in my head, I didn't know what to do or say. My first instinct was to start laughing, so I did like a crazy person. Kit gave me the weirdest look, I knew she was worried. You tell someone their mom died and they start laughing? WTF? But that's all I could do. Right after I started laughing tears began to fill my eyes then slowly run down my face.
"TwoBit..." Kitty reached for me.
"No I'm fine...really I am." I lied.
Like hell I was fine, I was the opposite of fine, I wanted to burn the damn house down. My mother used to be everything to me. She was who I felt loved me the most, the one I goofed around with at home, who I had tickle fights with, who I cleaned the dishes after dinner for. My mom was my best friend, yeah she had some drug problems, but she was a good mother.
I stood up from the bed, leaving Kit clueless as to what I was doing. I went to the fridge and downed the first three beers I grabbed.
"No TwoBit, I'm not letting you do this to yourself." Kit grabbed the bottle.
Getting drunk was the only way I knew how to rid myself of the feelings I didn't want to feel. I had done it multiple times.
"Getting drunk isn't always the answer, it just holds off your feelings so you can feel them later. It never gets rid of them." Kitty was trying to comfort me, but all I wanted was that alcohol.
I started crying full on this time, i turned and jammed my fist into the fridge door. I felt Kitty's arms wrap around me, her cheek resting against my back.
"It goes away... I promise." she said.
I didn't even think about it till then. She's been here, she lost her parents, she knows what this feels like.
I turned to face her, "I just can't believe she's gone Kitty, I though she'd be here... longer. I thought she'd be here for our wedding.."
Kit pressed her forehead against mine. "I know, but it's going to be okay... you're going to be okay."
I knew she was right, because as long as I had Kit, I'd be just fine.

All You Need Is Love

Yesterday was Valentine's day and tomorrow is mine and Kit's anniversary, so we just combined the two and celebrated today :D

Kit went out with the girls last night for ladies night at the Dingo. When Kit got home she went into the bedroom to change and that's when she saw what I left for her. A huge white stuffed Kitty, and hanging around it's neck was a necklace. I heard her scream down the hallway, then she came running in the kitchen, jumped in my arms and kissed me.
"I love you too!" I said.
We ate chocolate covered strawberries that I had made and watched that movie called "Valentines Day", yeah I know go figure. Then we went to bed.

This morning I woke Kitty up and told her to go put on something nice. I prayed she would find it, and she did, tucked between her clothes in the closet was a beautiful blue dress. She put it on with the necklace I had given her and then we headed out. I took her to this nice place for breakfast and then we headed on the road. It took Kit a moment to notice that there were suitcases in the backseat.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"You'll see." I smiled at her.
We drove for about two hours, the whole time Kitty messed with the radio and screamed songs out the car window. We finally pulled up to this nice little cabin by the lake.
"Are we the only ones here?" Kit was getting excited.
"Yep, it's all ours till 6pm tomorrow."
Kit screamed and ran inside.
It was a nice little cabin with two bedrooms and a really relaxing looking bath tub, we're definitely going to try that out later. ;)
The kitchen was fully stocked with food. I packed a lunch and we took a canoe out on the lake. We sat in the middle of the water eating sandwiches and drinking lemonade.
"Ya know... if we're doing exactly this 30 years from now, I'd be completely fine with that." I said.
Kit smiled back then kissed me. Next thing you know were making out in the canoe and it tips over. Our heads both bobbed up laughing then we start kissing again and somehow we ended up back in the cabin getting the bed all wet...... from the water.
There was deer stocked in the fridge so I cooked it up with some carrots and potatoes and we had dinner in front of the fireplace.
It was a great Valentines Day, and an even greater anniversary.
I can't believe I've already spent a year with Kit, but if it's anything like the year we've already had together, then I sure as hell don't mind spending a million more. I love you KitKat Curtis, you are my life, my everything.

A Nice Little Night

I feel like there's been so much going on that if I go to sleep at night I just might miss something. My brain has been pulled in all sorts of directions lately and I'm sick of it, so now it's time for TwoBit to wind things down.
I feel like Kitty's been on edge lately, with her health and the wedding and all, so I decided I'd take her out. Dimitri was released from the hospital yesterday afternoon and he's staying with us since our apartment is one story and we can help take car of him and all, so I thought it would be a good time to leave him and Jelly alone for a while. It was the least I could do considering the poor guy won't be gettin any for a while HA HA. If I ever shatter my pelvis, you might as well just go ahead and kill me. He's on crutches now and can't even sit down, he either has to stand or lay down. I told Kit to put on something nice, well "Kit" nice, which consists of skinny jeans, heels, and a nice top, but hey who am I to complain?
"Where are we going?" Here came the questions, which I refused to answer.
I pulled the car up to a water tower. The look on Kit's face was priceless, I felt stupid just looking at her, but all I could do was smile. I got out and ran around to get the car door for her. We climbed up the ladder on the side of the Tulsa water tower, and when we reached the top her eyes lit up. I came earlier and set up blankets, pillows, and candles. And there was a small tray that held chocolate fondue with bananas, strawberries, and marshmallows.
We snuggled and watched the sunset and ate our chocolate fondue.
"Who knew TwoBitch Mathews could be so romantic?" She teased.
"Yeah, I suprised myself." I said.
She looked at me for a moment. "Dimitri?"
Dammit, no one sees through me like that girl. My shoulders dropped and my smile faded. "Yeah." I sighed.
"Well, at least you took the effort to try and plan a nice night for me." She smiled and kissed me.
"That I did." I kissed her again. "But it's not over just yet."
I helped her down the water tower and we got back in the car and drove to the jewelers.
"I thought we could pick out our wedding rings." I said.
She glowed as we walked inside and looked at the endless amount of diamonds lining the glass cases. We tried on ring after ring and compared prices, and after about an hour or so we made a decision and put the rings on layaway.
One more stop.....
About midnight we pulled into the park where we used to play when we were little. I pushed Kitty in the swing as I reminisced on innocent memories, back when the world was nothing more than lollipops and juice boxes.
I got in the swing next to her and we decided to see who could jump the farthest off of the swing. We got pumped up and swinging hard and then we both flew from the swings..... and landed on our asses. Well I landed on my ass and she landed on me. We laughed it off and laid next to each other in the sand.
"Kitty, I'm going to say something, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way, I'm only saying this to benefit us." She looked at me puzzled. "If we need to push the wedding date, I'll understand. You know? Maybe you need to get healthier, and I need to get a job and a good income, and ..." I trailed on till I felt her finger silence my lips.
"TwoBit, weather we got married today or twenty years from now, It's not going to change the fact that I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I rather face these things now with you, than face them now alone." That struck me deep. I knew it was the truth all along, and I completely agreed with everything she said, it made me smile just to hear her say it. "I love you too Kitty, and we're going to get through all of this, together." I laid back on the sand while she sat on top of me. My hands played with her fingers, and I stared up into her soft brown eyes, and right then I knew everything was going to be okay.