What an Idea

The whole idea of "faking" having a kid was very amusing to me. I mean c'mon, I am Two-Bit Mathews, I live for this sorta thing right? The look on Darry's face was priceless...and the best part about it was that I was married to Kitty, so he couldn't kick my ass for it :p

Now when we told him it was a joke...yeah, that gave him the right to kick my ass, so I ran like hell that time. But, of course he was relieved too...I mean when I found out Blair was gonna be a mom...I wanted to bash Dally's nuts in, but now that I see those kids and the fact that I get to be their uncle, makes me the happiest uncle in the world. I would die for those kids. And then I look at Soda, and how happy he is as a dad, and the kinda joy that brings him. I may not have kids, but I know that having kids changes a man, in most cases for the good.

A while after telling everyone that a little TwoBit Kitty baby didn't exist, I was amused....at first, but now....I'd have to honestly say I was starting to like the idea. The idea of having a child with the woman I love most in the world...to have that kind of bond with her...to watch her delight in being a mother...I started to really want that. The idea grew on me. I want to share that with her, I want that excitement in my life. But, knowing that with her condition its nearly impossibly at the moment...makes me want to help her get better even more. It's tough just sitting here..watching her waste away like she doesn't mean anything to the world, when in fact she means everything. If she weighed 200lbs, I would still think she's just as beautiful as she is now....I just wish she could see that.

I think working at Dim's restaurant will be good for her, it gets her outta the house at least, and with me working there too, I'll get to keep an eye on her.
I was walking home from my first shift yesterday. I passed by an alley way and suddenly stopped. I heard a small whimper coming from the dumpster half way into the alley. I got closer and saw the trash inside slightly moving. I dug around a little to reveal... and found a trash bag moving...I pulled out my switch and carefully cut a hole into the bad, and out rolled the tiniest little while ball of fur i'd ever seen. He was shaking and filthy. I picked him up and put him in the pocket of my jacket, his little head bobbing out the top. I made a stop at the store before getting back home. I bathed him in the sink then dried him off with a towel. I heard Kitty coming in the front door, so I cupped the little guy between my hands.
"Hello Beautiful." I said, kissing her softly.
"I have a present for you." I opened my hands and revealed the little while puppy nestled between them.

The Good, the Bad, and not so Ugly

*knock* *knock*
It was 1am when someone pounded on the front door. Of course I wasn't anywhere near asleep, but I didn't often find people on my doorstep so late. I opened it to find a half drunk, Dallas leaning against the wall outside, bottle of Vodka in hand. He just sighed,
"I heard man." I said. "I'm sorry." I placed a hand on his shoulder.
"She doesn't want me man. She doesn't love me anymore...." He trailed on.
"Yeah she does Dal, she just...messed up. She loves you, I don't doubt that."
He just stood there, staring off across the apartment parking lot.
"Why don't you come inside... take a shower. You look like you got hit by a truck." I said, knowing it wasn't comforting at all.
"I probably did man." He turned and walked inside.

I woke up the next morning and discovered the couch empty, Dallas had left. I then decided it was time to have a talk with my sister.
I entered into a messy, loud house, and was greeted by a little Carter hugging my leg.
"Blair??" I yelled.
"In here..." I heard in response.
I found Blair changing a dirty Shiloh.
"Hey, whats up?" She said.
"Dallas showed up on my doorstep at 1 in the morning." I said.
"Is that what you came over here for? Cause I really don't wanna talks about it." She snapped.
"Blair... you're the one at fault here not him." I pointed out.
"I know I did something stupid. I know I made a wrong choice, but I'm still here, I didn't leave." Her voice raised.
"He tried to come back Blair and you wouldn't let him.."
"HE STILL LEFT!" Tears started to glisten on her cheeks.
"HE left, he made it clear how much of a disappointment I was and just left."
"Mommy...when's daddy coming home?" Carter asked.
Blair looked at me intently, "You think that doesn't break my heart? He hasn't called, or apologized for the way he acted, or for even leaving. I don't give a damn if he doesn't want me, but if he's half the man I thought he was, he'd be standing on the doorstep begging for his kids..... but he's not." Sobs were escaping so quickly from her mouth she barely had time to breathe.
I pulled her close to my chest, "It's all gonna work out B. I promise. I've known Dal most of my life and I know he loves those kids, and I know he loves you. I really think you should call him." I informed.
Her breathing slowed just a bit.
"I'll think about it." she whispered.

That evening Kitty, Jelly, Dimitri, and I went to Darry's house for dinner with the Curtis's. At the end of the meal,, just before we got up to leave Kitty made an announcement.
"Okay so you know how I said I have a surprise? Well........ TwoBit and I are having a baby!"

I Do

"What if that was my bachelor party?" I asked referring to the movie we were watching.
"Kitten would kick my ass if that happened." Dimitri replied.
I guess it was ideal then that we didn't go to vegas, if we ended up like the guys on the Hangover, which I don't doubt we would, Kitty probably would kick Dimitri's ass....and all the other guys in the gang.
Dimitri, Chase, and I partied it up that night, drinking beer, playing video games, and eating everything in the kitchen.
Thank God Dims an early riser or I probably wouldn't have gotten up the next morning.

I was pulled and tugged and dragged along, getting into my tux, getting my hair done, and making sure every little detail was perfect. It was the longest day of my life. I wish I could have just slept in till it was time for the wedding but no, the day pressed on and on. The whole day was frantic with people running here and there doing this and that. Finally I found myself standing at an altar in front of a room full of noisy people. Music started playing as bridesmaid after bridesmaid walked down the isle, it all still felt too rushed, but then those back doors opened and suddenly it was just me and her......and some guy who asked us questions and said "repeat after me...". It came down to the vows, something I've been working on since the day we got engaged...

"I remember one time when we were little, we were having a wedding just like all little kids do... we argued on who played what part and you and I were stuck being the bride and groom. Little did we know that we would actually be playing those parts for real one day. There aren't words worthy enough to describe what I feel for you, but meeting you at this altar today will no doubt be the best choice I can ever make. I couldn't stand here with anyone else Kit, because if it wasn't you then I wouldn't want to. I love the way you smile when I tell you I love you... the way your hair falls when you wake up in the morning... the way you punch me when I say something stupid...they way you look at yourself in the mirror like there's something to be fixed...they way I look at you and see nothing but perfection. I may not have ever lived in a big house, or driven an expensive car, or even been able to afford college, but today I gain everything by giving you my heart. I love you KitKat Sarah Curtis...till death do us part."

And then there was a lot of eating and dancing and drinking and...mickey mouse? And now the honeymoon...which I am forbidden to post about, Kit's first command as my wife.

Nothing Hurts More Than Saying Goodbye

I pulled up to my dad's house and noticed that Jamie had already started pulling stuff out into the front yard. I jumped out of the car and grabbed the first box I saw and started to load it. Man, Jamie doesn't waste time, then again if I had to live with dad I'd be eager to leave too.
My mind was clear. I wasn't going to let my thoughts get ahead of me.
Dad came out and helped me load up the car, somehow the entire time he managed to not say a single word to me. Jamie was daddy's girl, whither she liked it or not. I was always daddy's disappointment, not that it ever bothered me much, I preferred being closer to mom anyways.

"Alright are we ready to go?" Jamie came out of the house dressed comfortably for the long ride ahead.
"As soon as you give me a hug goodbye.." Dad wrapped his arms around her like she was the most loved thing in the world.
She was almost too eager when they broke apart.
I got back in the fully loaded car and turned to Jamie.
"Got everything?" I asked.
"Yup" She answered quickly.
"Got your pillow?"
"Yeah."
"Your tooth brush?"
"Yes."
"Deodorant?"
"TwoBit!"
"Towels, sheets, hair dryer.."
"AND MY PHONE CHARGER, AND MY BOOKS, AND MY LAPTOP, AND MY ENTIRE WARDROBE, AND ALL 40 PAIRS OF SHOES!!!!" She was almost yelling.
"Alright, alright." Her point came across loud and clear.
I backed out of the drive way. Here we go, sixteen hours in a car.
Jamie immediately hooked up her Ipod and began to blast some pop diva what not song through my speakers.
"Really? Is it going to be like this the whole way? I sighed.
"Yup." She looked at me with a grin on her face.
"Fine, then you can walk..' I slammed on the brakes which caused Jamie to smack he head against the dash board."
"Oh my God, can we please get there alive?" she shouted.
"I'll make you a deal... You pick a song, then I pick a song, then you, then me and so on," She liked that idea. "and put your seat belt on." I said being the older brother I never was.
The first hour was pretty quiet, we went back and forth choosing songs on the radio. I started to sing along to the next one she chose, and not knowing the words, I made up my own and sang in the most high pitched girly voice I could. This scored me some laughs and a few punches in the arm.
"Oh, I almost forgot," I said pulling an envelope from the pocket of my leather jacket.
"This is from Kitty."
I heard a few giggles and suddenly regretted not reading it before I gave it to her.

About three hours in I pulled into Dairy Queen and ordered some food and drinks. Hopefully that would keep any upcoming "heart to heart" conversations prolonged a little while longer.
Jamie pulled out a brochure and glanced through it..
"Oooh, they have a pool...and a coffee shop... oh hes cute," she pointed to a picture of some boy on the page.
"Do you want me to burn down the place before classes start?" I threatened.
Jamie sighed, "It's college, I'm supposed to have fun." she argued.
"Not that kind of fun." I added.
"Isn't that what college is all about?" She flipped through the brochure a second time.
"Jamie, I swear if some stupid kid knocks you up Ima come up there and beat the kid's head in...along with a few other things." I made myself clear.
"Yeah yeah." She said. "That why we use condoms." She somehow found that statement sunny, but I was serious.
I reached over with one hand and tickled her.
"I'm serious...you hear me young lady?" I shouted over the laughing.
"Yes DAD, I hear ya." She teased.
"Oh you ain't seen Dad yet. I'm just getting started."
"Ehh, at least I know you'll make a good father someday." She added.
I shivered.
"Yeah...it's okay, I can't picture it either." She said laughing.

About half way in Jamie fell asleep, it was almost midnight, and I couldn't believe I was going to drive sixteen straight hours. I had to make frequent stops to Starbucks.
The car ride was very quiet for a while...except for Jamie snoring XD. She finally gave up around three AM and sat up straight in her seat. She flipped the mirror down and stared into it.
"ugghh, I'm going to look awful." She stated.
"It's alright. It'll be about eight AM, all the college kids are asleep. And besides, it's only summer semester so there won't be as many kids anyways." I said.
"Yeah...but what if THE perfect guy just happens to be awake and out in the hall when we pull up" And I look like this?." She pointed to her face.
"Well, if he's the perfect guy, then he won't care. He'd think you we're pretty if you just crawled out from being in a sewage drain for a week." I said.
She gave me a dumb look, "Would you think Kit was pretty after being in a sewage drain for a week?" she questioned.
"Beautiful!" I said smiling.
She just stared at me.
"I'm serious James, ya know not all guys base everything on looks. You shouldn't judge all guys with Dallas, he don't make us look very good."
She stared out the window for the next several minutes.
"Ya know, I think I'm actually going to miss Tulsa." She said.
"Well, there's a lot to miss." I said.
Jamie sighed, "but you'll be okay James, you'll make new friends and soon enough forget all about ole' Tulsa." I added.
"That's what I'm afraid of." She replied.
Great! Good going Keith, way to make things better -.-
"I have a present for you." I was going to wait and give it to her when we got there, but I decided to lighten things up. We pulled up to a red light and I reached behind my seat for the big box wrapped in purple shiny paper.
"This is from Dimitri and Jelly." I said handing it to her.
She ripped off the paper and almost screamed.
"A 25" plasma screen TV???" I thought she was going to hyperventilate.
"They thought it'd fit nicely in your room." I said.
"I am so going to have to skype them when I get there." She replied.

We pulled in to a little diner to have breakfast around seven. I never thought eggs and bacon could look so good. Jamie scarfed down about half a dozen pancakes and orange juice.
"Good luck getting a guy that way." I teased as she shoved food into her mouth.
"Tim sure didn't seem to mind." She said smiling.

After breakfast we conquered the last hour of our trip and finally rolled into the parking lot at eight AM. I had my arms filled with boxes as we headed upstairs to the fourth floor and into room 419.
"Home sweet home." Jamie said.
The dorm room was nicer than any of the dorms I've ever been in, and having the reputation with women that I do, that's been a lot of dorms. The bathroom was huge, bigger than all the bathrooms in my apartment put together.
We finally got all the boxes upstairs and the furniture arranged.
"God Jamie, do you really need all this stuff?" I was starting to wonder how it all fit in the car. Jamie sat down on the bed exhausted.
"I'm starting to wonder myself." she said.
"Well, I guess this is my que to go.." I said.
Jamie looked down at the floor.
"Good luck kiddo," I ran my hand over her head messing up her hair. When she moved I expected her to slap my hand away but instead she threw her arms around me and hugged me. I held on to her tight, not remembering the last time I hugged one of my sisters like this.
"Have fun, work hard...I'm proud of you kid." I said finally pulling away.
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills.
"Here, this is for you." I handed it to her.
"I don't need any.." I cut her off.
"Trust me, you'll need it." I smiled.
"Thanks." she said.
I kissed her on the forehead before turning to leave.
"Love you James." I said just before turning out the door.
"Love you too brother. See ya June 21st." She looked up and smiled.
"See ya!" And I turned and left.

Half the car ride home I cried. Damn sentimental goodbyes. But I know she'll be okay, she's strong, and smarter than I am which probably ain't sayin much. She's going to be successful, she's going to make something of herself. I kept telling myself these things all the way home, I don't think I woulda ever made it back otherwise.

Till Death Do Us Part?

I woke up rubbing my eyes, it was well past noon and I was surprised not to feel a hangover coming on. I walked out into the hallway just to have Kitty yelling at me to go back to sleep. o.O I slowly turned and walked back into the room. Plopping down on the bed, I turned the TV to mickey mouse, burying my chin into a pillow laying on my stomach. Metal was clinging in the kitchen and the house was filled with a pleasant smell. A little while later Kitty walked in holding a plate of brownies.
Brownies? I thought to myself. Well, she IS a Curtis.
I took one bite, "Kitty...are these my mom's brownies?"
She nodded. The last person to ever make them was my mom of course, and now that she wasn't around to do it, I had Kitty. No one makes brownies like my momma, but Kitty did come pretty damn close. I savored every bite as memories of my mom floated back into my mind. I usually would be really picky about someone else making my mothers brownies. One time Mom went on vacation with some friends to the beach. She was only gone a week, but I was high and REALLY wanted those brownies, I damn nearly cried, so Blair attempted to make them. She followed the right recipe and everything, but something about them just wasn't Mom's. It resulted me throwing them in her face. This time was different, although I do have a deep love for my little sisters, my love for Kit is above and beyond, not in a bad way, just a different way. If anyone in the world had to make my momma's brownies besides my momma, I would want it to be Kitty. I love Kitty, despite my recent choices, I do love her more than anything.
Kitty took me out to some place behind the South side. It was a meadow, funny how we never knew it was there before. Anyway, we had a good time just goofing around and lying in the sun.
"Why don't we get married? Right here. Right now. Just us."
The question didn't take me by surprise, in fact it didn't even startle me like it would most guys,
"Well Kitty, I guess we can ask that tree over there to be the reverend.." I said cracking a joke. But then I suddenly meant it in all seriousness. I stood up and pulled Kitty closely behind me untill we were standing in front of the tree I gestured to. I used a high pitch squeaky voice to portray the tree reverend,
"KitKat Sarah Curtis.. do you take me to be your husband? To have and to hold till death do us part?"
Kitty smiled, "Yes I do.... Keith Andrew Mathews, Do you take me as your wife? To have and to hold till death do us part?"
I looked at her for a long while, "And longer." I said. Then I kissed her.

What have I done?

The drinking didn't stop, it followed day after day and I fell into a never ending haze that would lead me down a road I never meant to take.
Last week...two days after the funeral, I found myself at yet another party. No familiar faces...except one. Marcia had invited me over that afternoon and being drunk off my ass I said yes without even considering my options. I didn't expect it to turn into anything, but man was I wrong. I can't even remember who leaned in first, all I know is that we ended up doing it on the living room couch. I tried to leave in a hurry without being rude, but I instantly felt the regret...and the hurt that Kit was sure to feel. I didn't tell her right away, and so then she heard it from someone else. I'm guessing Marcia spread it around town that we hooked up, a greaser and a soc... and me engaged. I went home and drifted into my usual sulking spot on the bed until I heard Kitty come in the front door. I stood up, but she was in the bedroom faster than I could even find my words to start,
"I heard about you and Marcia." she said.
I felt the world weighing down on me. I was ashamed and so, so sorry.
"I'm sorry Kitty...I reall..." she cut me off,
"Its okay, I forgive you." She said.
It was almost too easy, I didn't quite understand, but that didn't interfere with what we did next. It didn't make me feel any better considering that I had just done it with someone else only hours before, and Kitty's response didn't make me feel like I was exactly off the hook. My mind was spinning, and I couldn't grasp the concept of who I was anymore. I'm not the cheating type, it's just not me and I don't tolerate that at all, but now I'm a cheater, something I used to look down upon, and people always tell me.... cheaters never prosper.

Long Week

I visited her grave every day this week since the funeral. I had so much to say, but when I got there I couldn't bring myself to say them. The night of the funeral I went to Bucks and added another hundred dollars to my tab. On my sixth beer I glanced around at the unknown faces, until one on the dance floor caught my eye. Marcia looked up and noticed me, giving me a smile she walked up to me and dragged me onto the floor with her. We danced a while and talked a little, I was drunk so I don't really remember what about. I didn't even know she was back in town, that last time we saw each other at the drive in on a night so long ago replayed in my mind. Before I headed out I gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek.
I ended up laying on the merry-go-round in the park staring up at the sky. I heard footsteps and instinctively reached for my switch. I rolled over and pointed it in the direction the noise was coming from.
"Gosh kid, don't you know better than to sneak up on a drunk ass greaser like me?" I said to him.
"Yeah Twobit, my first thought was that one of my best friends was going to kill me." Pony rolled his eyes and dragged me off the merry-go-round and into the car.
You know you've drank too much when your girlfriend's kid brother has to drive you home. Pony got me back to the apartment and in the door. I fell on to the couch not wanting to move so I just slept there.
The next morning I got up and took a shower. Dimitri apparently spent the night cause breakfast was set out all professional and neat like. I put on my favorite Mickey Shirt and jeans with my boots, greased back my hair, and headed over to dad's house. I hadn't been to his new place before. It was decently nice, not like the house he bought when he lived with us. I knocked on the front door.
"Well isn't this a surprise." He said.
"Yeah, hey dad." I said rubbing my forehead. "Is Jamie here?"
"She's upstairs." He pushed open the door and I walked in.
The walls were all neutral colors, clean and precise. Up to date furniture filled the generously sized rooms.
I found Jamie's door by the photos that decorated the outside. I knocked and slowly opened it.
Jamie was sprawled out on her bed reading and doing homework.
I gave her a look, "Dads got you doing your homework? Damn, that's something I could never do." I said.
"Yeah well considering you don't do yours either it wasn't as much as a threat then." Jamie replied.
"Dads got you locked up in here pretty good huh?" I heard about his rules and regulations.
Jamie nodded staring into her math book.
"Good." I said. That made her look up.
"Good? Are you crazy? I can't stay out late or have any alcohol and my boyfriend can't come twenty yards within the house."
"I repeat, GOOD." I replied.
"Ya know James...." I sat down on her bed, "Dad has money, he can pay for college and other things mom and us never could. You have a shot at a better life here."
"Yeah Yeah. I was fine off with you guys too." She added.
"But you're better off here. Considering your brother's girlfriend sneaks you out and gets you drunk, I think you are definitely better off living here than with me, and there's no way in hell I'm letting you live under the same roof as Dallas so, this is all you got kid, and it's better than any of us ever had."
She seemed to ponder on what I said.
"Well, I gotta go so... guess I'll see ya around." I leaned over and kissed the top of her head then left.
Next stop was Blair's. I let myself in and immediately wished I hadn't.
"For the love of Christ man put some pants on." I yelled at Dallas who was standing in the middle of the living room in his underwear.
"Look man when you have kids that gotta eat, bathe, and cry all the time and you can't even take a second to grab some pants, then we'll talk." He replied.
"Your fault, not mine." I said.
Thank God Blair walked into the room fully clothed.
"What brings you here on such a pleasant day?" she said very sarcastically.
"Just seein whats up." I shrugged.
"Same old shit really." She said.
"Yeah?" I pulled an envelope from my back pocket. "Well, here." I handed it to her. She peeked inside. "What the hell? TwoBit I can't take this..." she shoved it back in my hand.
"Yes you can. Most of its what mom left.... use it on the kid." I said.
She sighed, "Fine. Thanks."
"..and maybe some pants for Dallas..." I added.
I hugged her then left for home.
When someone close to you dies, it makes you start to think. You gotta cherish the time you have with them, cause you never know when that time may run out.